he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
