Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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