Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
