call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love you.
Bad choice
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