this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
