Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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