There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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