thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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