we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
