I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
