imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
