too bad you live with your parents still
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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