I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
