I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
