Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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