finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize