I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dignity is for republicans.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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