how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
