i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
