PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
