Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
