I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
