Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
