Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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