Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
