we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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