He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
