Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
