if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
