Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
