"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
