in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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