Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
