Can i not drive my cunt home
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
