Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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