My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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