I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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