I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
