yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
