so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
