I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
