My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Drunk is not a location!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
