Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
