just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize