My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
