I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
