Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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