dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
