and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
