What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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