I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
