Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize