idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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