goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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