I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
ttyl tear gas
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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