..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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