You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
