I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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