I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The maid of honor just puked.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
