I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
