shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize