Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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