i was rollin on her like bob the builder
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
