just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
