You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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