The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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