Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
