yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
