i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
