Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
