so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
